Mindy: Hi, who are you supposed to be?
Santa: Who the f*ck do you think, genius?
Mindy: WOW, aggressive. Wellllll, you SORT of look like Santa, if he looked like a hungover old man who can’t matched his socks. And maybe rolled around the forest a little. What’s in your beard?
Santa: I don’t dress up and wear my work clothes every day, smart ass, and don’t hassle me about my clothes matching, I’m colorblind.
Mindy: Oh, sorry…is that why your work suit is all red?
Santa: Is it? Huh. Not sure I like that…
Mindy: I’m getting a lot of attitude from the jolliest old elf.
Santa: I’m not an elf.
Mindy: Sure you are. From the poem.
Santa: I’m like twice as big as an elf, why would I be an elf?
Mindy: You know…like Gandalf.
Santa: Gandalf was a wizard, weirdo. Did you think he was a big hobbit?
Mindy: No, of course not…he helped the elves, didn’t he? There were elves in there too. They were people sized. I think?
Santa: Wow, do you remember anything you read?
Mindy: I remember reading you were NICE…
Santa: Would you rather I be all fake, or do you want to know the real me?
Mindy: This feels like a trick question.
Santa: It’s not holly and red noses all of the time, sweetheart. Sure the public gets Santa, but only the inner circle really knows Kris.
Mindy: I think you’re emotionally manipulating me…
Santa: Everybody gets emotionally manipulated in December, ‘tis the season!
Mindy: You know, I’m thinking Ed Asner was the right choice for you after all.
Santa: I’m holding out for DeNiro. It’s time.
Mindy: With Scorcese directing.
Santa: Now THAT would be a Christmas story.
Mindy: This didn’t go how I expected it AT ALL.
Santa: Buckle up, buttercup.