Mindy: Hey there. 

Satan: Back so soon? 

Mindy: International Burpee Day. 

Satan: The day after Everest? That’s extreme. 

Mindy: Tell me about it. 

Satan: Soooo… rest day tomorrow? 

Mindy: Yep. Question … I thought since, you know, I’m part of the team now… 

Satan: You want something. 

Mindy: I, uh, was hoping you could give me ‘advance intel’ on the Hell Week classes? 

Satan: Won’t that ruin the surprise? 

Mindy: I feel like I can be a more effective team member, you know, get more souls, if I’m NOT surprised. 

Satan: Why don’t you tell me what you think is going to happen, and I’ll tell you how close you are. 

Mindy: Okay, um… well the 24th is Pulse. I’m going to say there will be a lot of pulsating squats. 

Satan: Sounds logical. Are you SURE the classes were listed in order? 

Mindy: Oh! So…Pulse isn’t the first class? 

Satan: Maybe. 

Mindy: You suck. 

Satan: I really do. 

Mindy: I mean, the movies names tell us nothing… Pulse was WiFi demon; Split was personality disorder/meta human; Crawl was alligator hurricane; Us was psycho doppelgängers; Misery was abusive super fan; Psycho was homicidal mama’s boy; and Poltergeist was demonic Indian burial ground with scary clown dolls. 

Satan: That sums it up nicely. Although interesting that you’re giving equal weight to the entire Indian burial ground versus a scary clown doll… we’re going to circle back to that at some point. 

Mindy: Whatever. So, are you going to help me out here? 

Satan: If you guess right, I’ll confirm it. 

Mindy: Guess the ENTIRE workout?! 

Satan: It could happen, you’ve done a few now… 

Mindy: You’re not really being all that helpful. 

Satan: Not really trying to be. 

Mindy: Okay then, new topic…this soul harvesting…a little harder than I thought. 

Satan: Tell me about it. 

Mindy: I was trying to get a head start…you know, before Hell Week? 

Satan: Ah. 

Mindy: Are there multiple soul harvesters in my territory? 

Satan: Maybe you shouldn’t think of it as ‘your’ territory… 

Mindy: So there are. 

Satan: Did you think everyone working for me last year just disappeared? 

Mindy: OTF Coaches–? 

Satan: Well, DUH. 

Mindy: I feel like they might have a competitive advantage over me. 

Satan: They do. They’re all way hotter than you. 

Mindy: I was going to say they have the competitive advantage of constant proximity to the souls, but okay, ouch. 

Satan: I’m a straight shooter. 

Mindy: Facts. 

Satan: But you know, you’ve got something…. you’re like the Rudy of Orangetheory. 

Mindy: That makes me feel the opposite of better. 

Satan: It’s something. Make it work for you. 

Mindy: So I’m like a persistent Hobbit, that’s my competitive advantage? 

Satan: Don’t underestimate the power of persistence. And pity. 

Mindy: Worst pep talk ever. 

Satan: Is that what this was? 

Mindy: I guess not.