Mindy: Hi, I’m back–
Satan: Oh, uh, hello! Hi…I, uh, wasn’t expecting you. The workout wasn’t particularly awful today…
Mindy: We can agree to disagree on that. Ab Roller Push Up to Knee Tuck? Have you met me?!
Satan: You’re not going to mention the other thing you did?
Mindy: We shall not speak of it. And…I sort of liked it…
Satan: Huh, maybe you DO belong here…
Mindy: So you weren’t expecting me, does that mean that baby goat in a onesie standing on your desk isn’t for me?
Satan: No! He’s mine…I mean, he’s mine temporarily… I’m watching him for someone. Someone else. Not me.
Mindy: You’re being weird about your goat.
Satan: I’m watching him for someone else. Just for a few hours.
Mindy: At least get him off the desk…
Satan: Sure <puts baby goat on ground>. What can I do for you?
Mindy: I had a great idea.
Satan: <sigh> Yes, I’m sure that a brand-new soul harvester such as yourself will have thought of something brilliant than has never occurred to anyone else the past millennium…
Satan: Of course not!
Mindy: More sarcasm?
Satan: We could be here all day, what’s this great idea?
Mindy: I was thinking, we have good market penetration here in Seattle. We should expand the territory.
Satan: You know I’m worldwide, right?
Mindy: Sure, of course, but maybe you’re not getting the same leverage in all areas. Maybe you could be doing better some places.
Satan: Where are you thinking?
Satan: Yeah, Canada’s a stumper… they’re so polite and happy up there, it’s hard to recruit minions… you’re not wrong, Canadian recruitment is way down.
Mindy: You could send me there. Make me Canadian.
Satan: Why would I have to make you Canadian to send you there?
Satan: Making you Canadian defeats the purpose, because then you’d be as nice and as well-balanced as the rest of them.
Mindy: Would I, though?
Satan: I can’t take the risk. Weird is really the only thing you have going for you as a soul harvester.
Mindy: What happened to persistence and pity?
Satan: Oh yeah! And your Hobbit feet.
Mindy: Wait…what? That wasn’t the Hobbit-y thing about me. You … you think I have Hobbit FEET?
Satan: No, of course not, I was just kidding. But sorry, I can’t divert resources from the Seattle area in October, this is our busy season. Canada is a no-go for now.
Mindy: Fine, I understand… any tips on the Hell Week workouts? Throw me a bone here…
Satan: Okay. The Split workouts aren’t based on M. Night Shyamalan’s movie Split…they are based on the IT movies.
Mindy: What?? Then why are they named Split?!
Satan: Not my call.
Mindy: How can you base workouts on a movie about a paranormal sewer clown?
Satan: How does ANY horror movie relate to working out? I don’t think you want to start pulling on that thread very hard.
Mindy: True. Okay, I guess I’ll see myself out …
Satan: By the way, could we keep the baby goat thing just between us?
Mindy: You think I’m going to tell someone that I met with Satan, who had a baby goat in a onesie on his desk … and you think the ‘baby goat’ part of that sentence is going to be the thing that gives someone pause?
Satan: Huh. Valid.