Mindy: Dear god, what ARE you?!?
Holiday Armadillo: Greetings Mindy! I’m the HOLIDAY ARMADILLO!
HA: HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!
Mindy: …You’re not a thing.
Mindy: There is no holiday armadillo, that’s not a thing!
HA: Yes it is. In the year 2000, on the hit TV sitcom Friends, Ross Gellar introduced me to his son Ben as Santa’s Tex-Mex friend, to help him learn about Hanukkah and the Festival of Lights!
HA: By sheer force of Millennial belief in me sparked that day, I became a thing!
HA: Check the Internet, I’m totally a thing.
Mindy: Okay, let’s assume FOR THE MOMENT, you’re a thing. Why are you here now, why are you available this far before Hanukkah?
HA: I’m not JUST about Hanukkah…I’m versatile! I’m the HOLIDAY ARMADILLO!!
HA: Those Millennials are in their late 20s now, I’m losing my demographic. SELF PROMOTION!
HA: Look, you’re benched. I’m the best you’ve got, so let’s make this work!
Mindy: Hey, I haven’t been benched, it’s just…November is hard with Daylight Savings Time, recovering from Hell Week…who said I was benched?!?
HA: No one, no one, it’s fine, you’re fine! <under his breath> jeez, they were right, she is difficult.
Mindy: I’m not benched!
HA: My bad, poor choice of words.
Mindy: So, what are we doing?
HA: SOCKS! SOCKS-SOCK-SOCK–
Mindy: Do Holiday Armadillos wear socks?
HA: Not on our feet.
Mindy: I’m not asking…
HA: Probably best.