Satan: Hey, you survived…
Mindy: Fork you.
Mindy: Duck this bullshirt!!!! Wait, what’s happening? Duck…Fork…Shirt…. HOLY MOTHER FORKING SHIRTBALLS WHY CAN’T I SWEAR?!?
Satan: Just because you’re literally going through Hell this week is no reason to lower our conversational standards. I had a swearing filter installed in anticipation of your Hell Week reaction.
Mindy: You’re such a ducking shirt head.
Satan: Sooooo <takes sip of coffee> how was Split 1?
Mindy: <knocks coffee mug out of Satan’s hand>
Satan: WOW, that was a violent response…
Mindy: No, it’s just, you’re not supposed to have caffeine anymore.
Satan: Who told you that??
Mindy: Uh…you did.
Satan: No I didn’t…
Mindy: Look, I don’t care, drink all of the caffeine you want—-
Satan: <under his breath> I don’t think you’d like me fully caffeinated—
Mindy: —I want to talk about this mother ducking Split 1 workout. What the fork was that?!?
Satan: What do you mean?
Mindy: 15% IS NOT A BASE PACE!!!
Satan: Oh, that…well, we did prepare you for this earlier this month. Or was that September? Huh, I can’t remember, when was Ev—
Mindy: I CAN’T LIFT MY ARMS!!!
Satan: Okay, well, that explains why your hair looks like that…
Mindy: And I still don’t totally get the connection between the name, the movie and the workout… I mean, Pulse was Pulsing Half Squats and keeping your pulse up the entire workout…
Satan: I like how rationally you can talk about the workout you didn’t do…
Mindy: But Split 1 and Split 2 because horror movies have sequels? And HELLO, there is an actual horror movie called Everest.
Satan: Everest? Jake Gyllenhaal? That wasn’t a horror movie…
Mindy: Trust me, it is.
Satan: Welp, betcha can’t wait to see how it all ends tomorrow with Split 2, BWAH-hahaha-HAH!!!
Mindy: This is you, uncaffeinated?
Satan: Oh, fork off.