Mindy: Uh…. Coach Kat?!

Kat: Hi-eeeeee!

Mindy: I’m stunned.

Kat: Satan’s taking a few personal days, I’m just filling in.

Mindy: Wow.

Kat: Heh, cat got your tongue? Welp, that’s totally expected…because it’s KATURDAY!

Mindy: You know, of all of the OTF Coaches, I would have though Coach Dru… the chaos tattoos, always wearing black, lone wolf vibe, black cat, super-scary heavy metal music…

Kat: It’s a bit on the nose, don’t you think?

Mindy: I guess, in hindsight… but you’re still a shock! I mean, you’re the nicest coach, you play Miley Cyrus and Britney Spears…so happy, optimistic, helpful…

Kat: My supernatural hotness didn’t tip you off?

Mindy: I guess I couldn’t see past my Hobbit feet.

Kat: I’m glad you stopped by though, Satan wanted me to deliver a message.

Mindy: Uh-oh.

Kat: Nah, it’s fine, no hell-fire or torture today. We’re saving that for next week.

Mindy: Phew. So what’s the message?

Kat: Stop trying to make ‘Skinny Mocha’ happen.

Mindy: Aw, really? Skinny Mocha is awesome!

Kat: It’s not.

Mindy: C’mon…

Kat: Nope.

Mindy: It’s just, if you’re drinking Skinny Mochas, your threshold for suffering is already super low, so Hell and damnation is really just an inch away…

Kat: You’re not wrong… but you can’t be running into Starbucks all over Seattle and screaming “Skinny Mocha, Bitches!”

Mindy: The people drinking Skinny Mochas are already morally compromised! They’re trying to have it all and failing miserably, this is the perfect moment to swoop in…

Kat: Stop. Trying. To. Make. Skinny. Mocha. Happen.

Mindy: FINE!

Kat: No Grumpy Face.


Kat: Would it help if I shift into my Adorable Coach Kat persona that I use at the start of the workout?

Mindy: Maybe…

Kat: <hops onto a bench> Gooooood Morning Shoreliiiiine!

Mindy: Dammit, you’re adorable, I can’t stay mad at you…okay.

Kat: Can I have your soul?


Kat: Jeez, easy girl, had to give it a shot.

Mindy: No honor amount thieves, huh?

Kat: I prefer to be called Head of Sales. And, can we really call you a thief when you haven’t stolen anything?

Mindy: This feels like too much reality for a Saturday.

Kat: It could be worse… you could have a really average workout and wimp out on getting all of your splat points and let that shake your confidence since you usually get so much more with a 3G, and then spiral into an anxiety episode where you second guess your physical and mental preparedness for Hell Week and question your commitment over doing 6 workouts for a lousy tee shirt.


Kat: Atta girl!

Mindy: 5 Workouts.

Kat: Pardon?

Mindy: You said 6 workouts…it’s 5 to get the shirt.

Kat: Right. What do you get for 6 workouts?

Mindy: Uh…self respect?

Kat: Do you, though?

Mindy: Okay, yes, now I’m seeing the Hell Spawn in you.

Kat: Took you long enough.