Mindy: Boop!

Satan: Are you … booping me?

Mindy: It was a metaphorical boop.

Satan: I’m not really up for that sort of thing.

Mindy: Fine, no booping. But I’m excited!

Satan: Good day?

Mindy: Well…I mean, are nine All Outs a *good* day? But otherwise, I think I cracked the code on soul harvesting.

Satan: Oh? Do tell…

Mindy: I have been focusing on the wrong demographic.

Satan: Waiting for this to go horribly wrong, but go on…

Mindy: If you go to OTF, you’re not really getting total coverage on all of the seven deadly sins…

Satan: Uh-huh…

Mindy: Lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy and pride…

Satan: I’m aware of what they are. So Orangtheory has–?

Mindy: Well, pride, right? Maybe envy, when we see people excelling in their workouts…

Satan: I’m picking up a lot of lust from OTF members scrolling through Instagram…

Mindy: Yeah, I don’t think I can corner the market on lust–

Satan: –With those Hobbit feet–

Mindy: But I feel like I have Sloth dialed in. I mean, Sloth is my spirit animal.

Satan: You know we’re not talking about those adorable mammals that hang out in trees, right? Sloth is laziness, apathy.

Mindy: Totally my wheelhouse!! I’m a natural soul harvester for all of the couch potatoes!

Satan: Okay, sure…but how do you access them? I mean, how many couches are you going to visit?

Mindy: See, this is where the siren thing comes in… I lure them to MY couch.

Satan: Wow, sloth really IS your spirit animal. I would have gone with gluttony…

Mindy: I’m going to go full-on wrath if you keep throwing me shade.

Satan: What is the deadly sin you have if you’re exhausting to be around?

Mindy: Okay, I’ll leave if you tell me some more about the Hell Week workouts.

Satan: What, yes, anything…

Mindy: So, the “US” workout looks like a lot of collective rowing–?

Satan: Yeesssss….

Mindy: What does ‘collective’ mean? Are we all chained together? Assimilated like The Borg? What’s the deal there? Also, why release ‘US’ info when it’s not even the first workout? Why not release a video for any of the other workouts? Are their going to be WEIGHTED TREAD VESTS? WHAT THE FREAK, MAN??

Satan: That escalated quickly.


Satan: WOW, your anxiety…it’s like an aphrodisiac…

Mindy: Bye.

Satan: So intimate innuendo gets you to leave. Noted.

Mindy: If I could run fast enough there would be a Mindy-shaped hole in your door.