Satan: How was it today?

Mindy: I didn’t get my splat points–I barely got ANY splat points and I should have! My watts were high, my weights were heavy and my hills were true, and yet…my calf was cramping and no splats.

Satan: I feel like you complain when there are too many splat points, and then you complain when there aren’t enough. You’re a bust at gathering souls, but I think you have what it takes to drive someone crazy down here… real torture potential.


Satan: Uh, new topic…it’s the day before Hell Week begins, you ready?

Mindy: Ehhhhhhh…..

Satan: What’s the hesitation?

Mindy: Seriously?

Satan: Yes, I would think that with everything you’ve accomplished over the past year or so, you’d be looking forward to seeing what you can…hahahaha, no, okay, I can’t even keep a straight face here. You’re going to get SLAUGHTERED, ahahahaha!!

Mindy: Wow.

Satan: Ohmigosh, I can’t wait to see your face when you hear what’s going to happen each day…

Mindy: Huh.

Satan: Which ones are you going to again?

Mindy: Let’s see, Friday, Saturday, skipping Sunday since your minion Cass isn’t teaching the class that I signed up for as an “extra” class–

Satan: Aw, no 8:15 am Coach Cass? Bummer…

Mindy: Yeah, I am super bummed. And then Monday, Wednesday and Thursday gets me my 5 and a freaking glow in the dark tee shirt. Yay me.

Satan: You seem stressed.

Mindy: True story.

Satan: Okay, so which workouts are those?

Mindy: Uh… Spashzone, Buckin Furpees, The Fuckening–

Satan: No, no, the real ones?

Mindy: Oh, right…Split 1 & 2, Us, Psycho and Poltergeist. I think.

Satan: Any guesses?

Mindy: I’m guessing it’s going to be awful…

Satan: No, no, I mean, any idea of the format?

Mindy: Oh, right! Well, I think there will be 15 minutes of awful on the rower, then 15 minutes of awful in the weight room…some surprise burpees…and then another 15 minutes of awful on the treads.

Satan: Can you really call them surprise burpees if you know they’re coming?

Mindy: Ambush burpees.

Satan: Can you really call them ambush–

Mindy: Shut it.